Taking Off the Disguise

None of us like the idea that we might be playing the role of a victim.  There are many ways that we suppress it.  The list is infinite.  I will share a few of my favorite methods.

  • “Being right”
  • Feeling sorry for myself
  • Complete suppression/ “tough”
  • Disassociating
    • This is a process where I put a “punctuation point” in my life and “started over.”  It is an effective mechanism at many levels.  It just takes a lot of unconscious mental energy to keep the lid on it all.  My “restarting point” was at age 16 when I went to boarding school.
  • Developing an “identity” of being cool and calm
    • I did have everyone fooled on this one, including myself.  In retrospect, I had no one fooled except myself.  One of my opening lines when I first met my wife in 2001 was that “I was one of the few people she would meet that had really dealt with all of his anger issues.”  Little did I know that I had not even a clue of what lurked beneath the surface.
  • Perfectionism
    • You are so focused on being perfect, you loose sight of the fact that you are also continually beating yourself up for being less than perfect.  This angry energy is used to keep driving you forward.  This is by far and away the most toxic method of covering up your anger.
      • The “genealogy” of perfectionism is:
        • Circumstance or yourself “less than perfect”
        • Blame yourself or circumstance for not being perfect
        • Victim
        • Anger

My list would truly fill a whole thick book.  As you are more honest with yourself, you can at least give yourself a little credit for creativity.

Write these disguises down.  I don’t think that you should throw this list away.  The intent about writing down these covering-up strategies is to give you more awareness of who you are.  This step is not intended to be a re-programming step.