Rachel is a therapist, specializing in trauma. She reached out to me a couple of years ago to learn more about integrating healing concepts into her journey. She was developing her version, using her experience with horses as the foundation. Here is her story.
Two Falls, Two Decades Apart
My mom taught me to ride a horse when I was three. At sixteen, I crashed in a competition at a cross-country course in Vermont and walked my half-dead horse through the finish line on foot. I quit riding that day, walking away from a promising career as an eventer and show jumper. That grief haunted me for twenty-plus years.
Fast forward to my forties. As a single mother to Charlotte and Julia, I had finally gotten back in the saddle, sharing a young jumper named Zayn with my twelve-year-old daughter, Julia. Ironically, I was writing a chapter about that first devastating fall when the second one happened.
On a freezing January day in Apex, North Carolina, I was helping someone with their young child’s horse. Before my feet even found the stirrups, the horse surged forward and became airborne. I crashed onto my back. In forty years of riding, I’d fallen nearly forty times without a scratch. This time was different—I had broken three vertebrae (T12, S2, and S3), herniated two lumbar discs, torn my rotator cuff, and injured my wrist.
My twelve-year-old, Julia, became my hero that day, calmly managing the horses and talking to 911 while I lay on the frozen ground. The firemen, EMTs, and hospital staff were incredibly compassionate. Just as they administered pain medication, my phone beeped—an email from Blue Cross Blue Shield welcoming me to their provider panel. For a moment, I forgot my circumstances. I had achieved a dream. Then reality crashed back with the diagnosis.
The mountain of pain and the path through
For months, I lay flat on my back in a body brace. Standing between my dreams of returning to riding and my reality was a towering wall of PAIN. When I thought about physical pain, I was overwhelmed with fear of emotional pain as well. But during this difficult time, I discovered something that changed everything—what I call “The Equina Way.”
Discovering The Equina Way: Mind, Body, and Spirit Integration
As a therapist specializing in trauma, pain, and sports psychology, I noticed a pattern: when pain hit, my fear increased, my body tensed, and I felt trapped in a vicious cycle. I was stuck in my body. But I refused to let my body have that much power over me. I believed we are more than our physical bodies, and I clung to “mind over matter.”
I realized that if pain in my body could influence my thoughts, then the opposite must also be true. When I moved past fearful moments and visualized what I loved—riding and cantering courses—I literally forgot about the pain. This became my breakthrough.
Three Principles: Reflection, Repetition, Release
During physical therapy, I discovered that the “Equina Way” involved three integrated elements:
- Reflection of Mind: While doing exercises, I would visualize myself cantering a jumper course. I could feel the wind on my face and the power of the horse beneath me. We were balanced and collected, with energy that pushed us forward. I painted horses from bed for months, putting enormous passion into each brushstroke. The yearning to ride was so powerful it literally took over my being. I could physically feel my love for riding flow throughout my body and into my hands as I painted. This had a healing effect.
- Repetition of Body: The physical therapy exercises had a rhythmic, repetitive quality that felt familiar—like the circling, bending, lengthening, and stretching I did while schooling horses. The movements were precise, working specific muscles. There was an almost meditative feeling as my thoughts drifted while my legs moved in sets of repetitions. The back-and-forth motion of my hips and legs relaxed me, creating a trance-like effect reminiscent of the rotation of my hips and pelvis in the saddle.
- Release of Emotions: When the exercises became more strenuous and painful, I had to push through because I wanted to heal and ride again so badly. This “thrust” that powered through me during physical therapy was the same impulsion that powers a horse forward during training. Something was becoming unblocked. The simultaneous integration of my mind, body, and spirit released my energy, allowing the pain to dissipate. As I progressed in recovery, the rhythmic quality of the horses’ gaits synced with my hips. My mind, body, and spirit came together in harmony. The energy was no longer stuck.
The key: Make the goal bigger than the pain
My only focus during recovery was healing so I could ride again. The yearning in my heart was so intense that it consumed me. At first, my goal was to be “pain-free,” but that changed. I wanted to ride with all my heart, and that desire replaced the pain. I was pulled forward and upward, and I literally forgot about the pain. The goal became bigger than the pain—this was the key shift.
I visualized my goal in my mind’s eye, and it drove me “through” the pain during exercises. I felt the longing in my heart push me through the most challenging moments. It required a Herculean effort, but I was determined.
The results
Ten months after fracturing three vertebrae, I was back in the saddle for five-minute intervals. Within weeks, I was riding for twenty minutes. I’m sure my “miracle healing” was due to this technique. It might have taken twice or even three times as long to heal.
Healing my sacrum transformed my life. It felt like a blockage had been lifted. I picked myself up again, one small, painful step at a time, and started fresh. The pain still tries to return now and then, but I get up even quicker each time.
In the end, it was my LOVE of horses and painting that healed me. As my friend Steve says, if I’m “above the grass,” I’ll be pursuing my dreams. I’m excited about my next horse and jumping higher heights, but I’m not waiting to live my life. I’m blessed to be alive, to be working and not disabled, to be a mom to my precious daughters. And the bottom line is this: I am riding again!
My perspective
She suffered a serious injury, and chronic pain develops frequently. Her story is a testimony that anyone can heal with commitment and persistence.
Healing happens as you calm your threat physiology and focus your attention on what you want. We tend to think about what we don’t want, which paradoxically reinforces the problem. Her capacity to keep her eyes on your vision was a significant factor in creating a new brain that doesn’t focus on problems, but more on solutions. Although there will always be ups and downs, once you learn to process new information this way, there is no turning back.